The role of a CEO... is it worth it?

My life consists of basically two identical roles as CEO.  Which is a little funny because when I finally decided what I wanted to be when I grew up, it was that exact thing and then it accidently became a reality on both accounts.  Now I play the role of CEO, as a mother and wife in my household and as Director/President of my company.

So which CEO position is harder?  I can honestly say they are about equal.  However, my role as CEO at the company umbrellas many other positions such as bookkeeper, purchasing, receiving, inventory control, scheduling, etc (I do all tasks being we are small).  My role at home is identical...  I am in charge of the finances, purchasing, scheduling.  I have two employees at work, I have two small children at home.  Managing people, money and time is what I do.  The big difference, I do not have to answer to anyone else (other than my kids and hubby) at home whereas I have to answer to about 1200 with the company.  Both positions entail thankless tasks and both have their rewards.

So am I insane?  Perhaps... for most it is a hard enough task to run one environment successfully... and here I am juggling two full time.  How? I am not exactly sure, and sometimes I wonder if my head will explode.  My motivation is essentially the fact that I was given an opportunity to be the mother of two and the ability and drive to manage a business venture that is thus far successful.  Do I ever want to pack it in?  Absolutely! But then something good happens and the motivation remains and I trudge along.

Do I get paid for these jobs?  Not monetarily. And no not from the company either, at this point, as the money is needed for growth.  I receive my payment from both positions in the form of the odd thank you, pat on the back (hugs and I love you's at home) and knowing the job is done to the best of my ability.  Just as a person watches their children grow up into decent human beings, I watch the company grow as well.

So if you are a mother and are thinking of starting a business here are some thoughts for you to help you make that decision.  Running a business and running a household with small children is very much the same.  You work long hours with fewer initial rewards than anticipated.  The only time most people see what effort it takes is when the job is not completed to expectation.  If you are dealing with customers, the odds are you will be dealing with tantrums at work as well (surprisingly there are quite a few adults out there that are not all that reasonable in their demands and thought patterns).  So if you are up for a challenge, this is definitely one.  And having someone to support you in all you do, is a must.  My hubby is away a lot, but when he is here, he helps out immensely.  This is a must and without his help, I wouldn't be able to get done what I do get accomplished.  Other friends and family are also key.  Make sure you have a support network that will aid in times of need.  Business, like children, waits for nobody.  You are either involved, or you are not, there is very little grey area and room for error.  When an opportunity presents itself, you must take it as it may not present itself again.  For the most part, depending on the type of business, you cannot pick your own schedule (one of the biggest myths out there)... customers and employees have an expectation that you will be available certain times.  No different than children needing schedules, customers and employees do too.  Don't get me wrong, there are rewards to it all otherwise people (including myself) would not do it everyday, but the hard work and effort required to run a business and family must carefully be planned out.  The odds are you won't be a millionaire within a couple of years and perhaps it will take until your children take over the company (if they even do) before anyone actually reaps the rewards of the efforts put forth.  And it takes money to make money...  regardless of the initial cost, if the company experiences growth, the company will need capital, either in the form of loans, or your not receiving a pay cheque for even longer.

So is it worth it?  To me it is, but to some, probably not.

To My Husband...

I recently witnessed a horrifying occurrence where a husband was abusing his wife both verbally and physically.  I did what I could to help the poor lady, but unfortunately she got back into the truck and made a decision to remain in her situation.  I have thought about this often and I must say that I am so lucky.  Unfortunately, it took this horrible occurrence to make me realize it fully.   

My husband is one of the most wonderful people I will ever have the pleasure of knowing.  And the best part, I get to grow old with him, as long as life will allow it.  I have met many people throughout my years on earth, both friends and acquaintances, that have made my life that little bit better, but ultimately I actually got to marry my best friend; not many women can say that.  His love and devotion to our family is shown everyday through his motivation to go away to work even though I know it pains him, as much as it does us, that we must be apart for days on end. 

Our paths crossed many years ago and neither of us thought that we’d be living the life we are now.  In fact I am sure it was the furthest thing from both of our minds.  And although it has not always been rainbows and roses, I believe this has made our love stronger, as I know we can get through anything.  To this day I still get butterflies when I know he is coming home, whether he’s gone for the day or 10.  He may not see it, as children and life often get in the line of sight, but those butterflies appear, even more so than they did 12 years ago. 

I love the man he has become and I am thankful every day for his presence in my life.  The once self-absorbed, young-punk that I met (and he was), has turned into an amazing father (when he is allowed to be due to work and distance) and a wonderful husband who takes his role in our family very seriously without batting an eye. I see that “diamond under all this dust” and I am very thankful to the women in his life that did not.

So, hun, I know I do not say or show it often enough, but I love you to the ends of the earth and back.  Thank you for supporting me in all my quirky plans and ideas, no matter how crazy and hair-brained they appear.  And so you know, I would not trade you in; even for Damon Salvatore (even though I say I would lol).  I cannot wait for the time we get to spend with one another in our rockers when we are old and grey “where the green grass grows”.  Thank you, for being you!  I love you and I miss you!

Your Apple Dumpling.  

You're Going To Miss This...

Trace Adkins has a song out called "You're Going to Miss This".  It's a great song and one I resort to playing in my head when my 3 year old is throwing an epic tantrum and my 6 year old is squealing bloody murder because her brother just sprayed her in the face with water.  It gets me through; at least it did, until last night when I had a thought...

What exactly am I going to miss?  I recall back in high school people telling me that "those were going to be the best days of my life!"  I don't think so...  and when I was single with no real ties to anything I was told "to enjoy it, it won't last forever!"  True, it didn't, and I did enjoy it, but they made it sound like doomsday was approaching.  Then pregnancy came...  "You'll miss that feeling when it's gone!"  Nope, cannot say I do, it was an experience, but I definitely do not miss it.  And now when my 3 year old is throwing the biggest tantrum on earth over a sock (he just pulled off intentionally) no longer being on his foot, I hear "You're going to miss this..."  Hmmmmm, you think?

Not to say that none of the above listed times did not have their perks; each one was a time period, its own era.  Much of it feels like a lifetime ago and as if it wasn't actually me that lived it, but none of these times were what I would refer to as something to fondly miss.  They were experiences, they made me who I am and I do not regret any of them, but miss them... no.  If someone offered me the ability to travel back in time to one of those time periods, would I take them up on the offer?  Heavens no!


Back to present day.... Am I going to miss the overwhelming desire to bring out the duct tape and attach a child or two to one of the elms in the front while I close all doors and windows, turn up the stereo and sip a nice hot latte?  I doubt it.  Am I going to miss the "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom ,Mom, Mom.... Mooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmm, Mom, I'm hungry " (while I am on the phone with the bank, 10 minutes after lunch)?  Probably not.  Am I going to miss the inability to use the bathroom without one of the kids inevitably also needing to use it, or needing to tell me something at that very moment?  I am guessing not so much.

I know the point Trace is trying to make in the song is that kids grow up and it happens in a blink of an eye,  to enjoy them when they are little and still need their Mom.  However, I am not what a person would refer to as a "good" mother.  I don't want to spend every waking moment with my kids.  I love them and enjoy the time we do spend together, but I am not one to say "they are little and it is all about them right now".  I don't believe that.  I am me, I may be a mother and a wife, but ultimately I am me (with not as much patience as I once believed).  Besides, as people point out, this time is very brief, so am I willing to give up 100% of myself to be at a complete loss of what to do when they leave home in 15 years or so?  No.  I am not saying there is anything wrong with that line of thinking; I am just saying that it does not work for me.  My kids also don't want to spend 100% of their time with me, so it works for our family.  I need the ability to be Randi, on top of Mom.  Granted, I decided to undertake an awful lot of responsibility all at once (motherhood, running a company, etc), but to be completely honest all of it just kind of happened.  I did think about waiting until the kids were older to pursue the company plans full-fledged, but when opportunity knocks, you better answer, because it does not present itself often!

So, am I going to miss my extremely exhausting life of running kids to where they need to be, playing single mom more often than not these days and running a fast growing company?  Probably not.  Am I looking forward to the future?  You better believe it!  I cannot wait to see who my children are going to become in life.  It may sound strange, but it is exciting to think about what my daughter's "Architect Mind" (as I refer to it) will bring to the world and my son's "no guts, no glory" personality will develop into.  They are amazing little people that will become unbelievable adults.  And all the "high-spirited" (and exhausting) behaviour they extrude now will become something of grandeur in their future lives.  But in this day and age these behaviours in the form of back-talk, tantrums, and overwhelming intensity... I doubt I am actually going to MISS it.  Will I enjoy the good times and look back fondly on them?  I sure will!

(For those that are not familiar with the song, I have copy/pasted the lyrics below):


She was staring out that window, of that SUV
Complaining, saying I can't wait to turn 18
She said I'll make my own money, and I'll make my own rules
Mamma put the car in park out there in front of the school
Then she kissed her head and said I was just like you

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

Before she knows it she's a brand new bride
In a one-bedroom apartment, and her daddy stops by
He tells her It's a nice place
She says It'll do for now
Starts talking about babies and buying a house
Daddy shakes his head and says Baby just slow down

'Cause You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

Five years later there's a plumber workin' on the water heater
Dog's barkin', phone's ringin'
One kid's cryin', one kid's screamin'
She keeps apologizin'
He says they don't bother me
I've got 2 babies of my own
One's 36, one's 23
Huh, it's hard to believe

But you're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this
You're gonna miss this
Yeah, you're gonna miss this

Kids Being Kids, An Art Lost...

A few weeks ago we put a screen door on the front of my house.  We figured it would save us money, conserve power (air conditioner) and also allow the kids to go out in the front yard and play without our need to watch them like hawks every second as we can hear them.  We feel it is very important that they get their exercise and vitamin D and they love to be outside.  Up until recently, unless we were outside with them (and lets face it, adults have a house to clean etc, they cannot spend all their time outside), they had to play in the backyard (which is not so bad, there is a large sandbox and a playground, but they cannot ride their bikes back there or "explore" the world).  I think it is very important for children to be able to play "unsupervised" so-to-speak, so they can test their own limits and assess risk themselves without Mom or Dad telling them what they can and cannot do.  I got to experience this growing up, my husband got to experience this... it's only fair that our kids also get to experience this, however times have changed and we are a more fearful society of what dangers lie out there and children seldom get to be children any more.  

So today, my kids got to be kids.  The neighbour happens to be watching his two grandchildren today, so they have been able to run across two completely unrestricted play areas (both yards, both front and back).  I can hear them, he can hear them, as they are never over 50 feet away (and they are anything but quiet), but to them Mom, Dad and Grandpa are not watching their every move.  They have worked out a game of soccer on their own, put on performances for one another and there have been many giggles and squeals of delight.  They check in here and there when wanting something to eat or drink, but otherwise they have been off doing their own thing and delighted in doing it (as is their mother).  I've even had a chance to blog about it, being they are busy :) 

What an enjoyable day for all!  

Don't Judge a Book by it's Cover...

Something strange happened today.  I saw the neighbour and he asked me if I was okay.  I said yes, although I was confused on why he thought that, but I had been rubbing my eyes as I had just minced up an onion.  Evidently he thought I had been crying.  He then said "oh good, because I thought it would be weird if you were crying as you are too strong for that."  I replied "I cry.  Everyone cries."  He said "I guess I just never thought you could have a weakness."

I thought this incident strange in the sense that I am human and have many weaknesses.  He hardly knows me, I'll give him that, but he does see me a lot playing with the kids outside, tending to our itty bitty garden, etc.  So I got to thinking that his perception of me must be quite wrong.  Or perhaps his definition of strength is different than mine.  To me, I am an average human being.  I cry when upset, overwhelmed, and sometimes for no reason at all.  I laugh when I am happy and hear a good joke.  Sounds pretty normal to me.  I do have weaknesses... some I try to better, others I don't really care to fix as they are not all that important (such as I cannot crochet, nor do I care to, although I could learn to if I wanted to know).  I also have many strengths, as does everyone.  I am highly competitive with myself (and very stubborn).  I set my sights high and normally achieve my goals.  I do not believe in failure, I believe only in a chance to try it again a different way until it gets done.  My biggest weakness is my kids... much the same as any mother or parent out there.  And that is precisely who he sees me with every day.  I am not sure where he got the idea I was anything more than average, but evidently he must have got it from what he has seen over the last few months.  

So, I wonder what his perception of me actually is?  I wonder what perception people have of me in general?  It makes a person think about what perceptions they have of others that are most likely not the full truth.  It also puts the old cliché "Don't judge a book by it's cover" into perspective.

Food for thought.      

Somebody Is Trying To Tell Me Something...

So today I met an amazing teenage boy.  He has very noticeable scars on his head and is missing a part of his skull.  To most teenagers this would be a nightmare, but he regards these scars as a wonderful thing... they mean life.  This boy is not like most others, he is battling cancer... a very rare form of cancer that only 10 people in the world have.  He underwent 22 hours of surgery to remove a cancerous tumor from his brain... he lived through it.  The scars are nothing more than a tumor removed and a second chance at life.  This boy has made an impact on my life and I am glad he walked in today with his father.  His story is inspiring and puts many things into perspective.  The biggest battle he will probably face in his life is mostly over and this battle was bigger than most of us deal with our entire lives.

This brings me to the title of this post.  I have noticed a theme to my life lately.  It surrounds me, envelopes me, like someone is trying to tell me something.  I cannot ignore it.  From the homeless people staying next door, to the person handing out flyers about their lost beloved dog, to the young man that was close to ending it all, to the aggressive dog next door, and the teenage boy today...  I am very lucky to have the life I do.  To have the friends and family I do, the healthy children, the dog who loves everyone and stays put (for the most part), the roof over my head and the need to persevere.  I have been in a kind of slump lately full of frustration and dark clouds.  Sometimes it takes seeing what could be to open your eyes to what you truly have.  And I have everything important.

I do believe I currently have another lesson ahead of me, and I am not sure what it may be... but time will tell and it will be revealed.  I just need to pay attention and ultimately have faith in the universe itself.

And in the midst of the storm last night, I even saw a rainbow...  that's got to mean great things :)

The Grateful Path Less Taken...

One of the things I love most is the feeling a person receives when they know they have truly helped an individual or group of people. I used to spend countless hours helping those less fortunate by clipping coupons, watching for sales and purchasing much needed items for the people at WIN House and the Mustard Seed here in Edmonton.  I could find some great deals, such as toothpaste on sale for 57 cents and match the sale to a 50 cents off coupon and pay 7 cents per tube of toothpaste.  It cost me little and provided so much to those that did not have it.  At that time, I myself had very little in terms of finances, but it never played much of a part in whether I purchased these items for those that truly needed them.  The feeling of joy I received when donating these items was worth way more than the money I ever spent.  (Our wedding favours were not tangible items, they were donation cards to the Canadian Cancer Society on behalf of our guests as everyone that attended had been affected by cancer in one way or another).

As my company grew, I found less and less time to coupon clip/sale hunt.  I still contribute all our used clothing to these groups (and Cerebral Palsy), but unfortunately, due to time constraints, I am unable to continue the way I used to.  I miss it.  I miss visiting the Mustard Seed and seeing the people there (who loved to see my daughter, Sam, her entrance brought them such joy in a time where little joy was found).  I do believe everyone should pay a visit to one of these shelters to truly understand what the Edmonton homeless are faced with each day.  Thankfully these services are provided to the people who need them with the help of volunteers and donations.  Every time I visited (which was biweekly or so), I felt grateful for everything I did have in the way of a roof over my head, clothes on my back, a family and friends that love me and food in my belly... the important things.

At this point in time, I think it is time for a reality check again as I find myself in a slump of sorts... not attaining what I believe I should have, but forgetting how rich I truly am.  My house may only be 900 sq ft in size, but at this very moment, I could be standing under the eaves of some building with my children wishing for 50 sq feet of shelter (it is raining outside).  My belly is full of organic vegetables and quality meat... my kids and I could be hungry and hoping for scraps for our next meal.  My daughter is heading into competitive gymnastics, and rather than worry about the cost, I think I should be grateful that she is able to perform at the level she does, rather than be immobile like so many 6 year old children out there.  My son is a reckless 3 year old... again, I should be grateful he has the brain capacity to be the turkey he is and the mobility that goes a long with it.  I really have so much to be grateful for.  In reality the only difference between myself and those at the Mustard Seed has to do with the support network I do have surrounding me.  Every one has it rough at some point in life...  lots of it has to do with life choice, but the result often has to do with a persons support network.  As my step dad has always said "every person deserves a roof over their heads, food in their belly and comfort (warmth, running water, etc)."  He is right.  No matter what decisions a person has or has not made in life, these things are vital to life.  It is because of family and friends that I have never lacked in these departments.

To fill the void I have decided to once again give to those who need it so bad.  Due to the time constraints in my life with the kids in school, work, extracurricular activities etc ... I have decided in lieu of the couponing to take 2% of my company's net monthly sales and donate them to a charity in the city that works to improve the lives of others.  I have yet to make an annual profit with the company due to rapid growth, however, I think 2% sales is easily contributed and when we do make a profit, the contributed dollar value is not going to make or break the company.  It can however change the lives of those that truly need it.  I feel good about this decision, it's a way I can keep doing what I love and get back the feeling I once cherished.  I started the program as of June 1, 2012 and will continue to do so through the life span of the company.

I hope to also find time, when my hubby is in town, to make soap and toiletries that can be donated to these organizations.  I have the materials, the knowledge, the place and the means, so it's now just working out a time that I can get it done.  I will.  Combining two things I love sounds like a dream... an attainable dream...  making product and donating it... can't get much better than that!  I am going to have to find a way to get the kids involved as well, as I do believe they too, need to understand how much we truly have.  Sam has not been to the Mustard Seed since she was around 2 years old, I doubt she remembers... so it's time for both her and Logan to meet the world and understand all it entails.

So starting today (again), I promise to remember that I have (in no particular order):

• a wonderful & healthy family
• love from friends and family that are amazing (including Facebook friends)
• a roof over my head
• clean water
• good food in my belly
• a reliable vehicle
• a bed to sleep in
• a beautiful canine companion (who also eats well)
• talented, healthy, happy, active children
• a husband who is my best friend
• three sets of parents (often taken for granted, but so many have none)
• clothes on our back 
• my own company

I hope to continue to add to this list over time as I re-realize how abundant my life truly is.  I have actually attained many dreams, but my nature makes me raise the bar when a milestone is hit.  I need to reflect on everything I have accomplished, even the little things, to put everything in life into perspective.

The Journey continues...

Call it therapy or what you will...  the blog has been created!

I used to write a lot.  I have had many journals through my life and the last time I really sat and wrote was around 10 years ago when I went through a "Journey" of sorts working out my thoughts, feelings and perspectives on life and myself.  Call this blog a continuation of that journey from 10 years ago, but one of a different sort, following a decade of experience, a different mentality, two children and marriage.  It is still about me, but I have changed perspective; perhaps it was having children, or being married, or having my own company, or all of the above, plus some experience thrown in as well.  Whatever the case may be, it is time to write down my random thoughts and lunatic ravings to make sense of the world around me.

I have come to another point in my life where I am questioning many ideas, cultural values and society in general.  I am interested in what makes people tick.  I spend more time watching and analysing, trying to make sense of certain behaviours I have always just taken for granted.  I have chosen the background for this blog based on that mind frame today.  Essentially what I have learned is that life is never black or white, just many shades of grey with some colour thrown in here and there. It's not as straight lined as we would like it and we see many curve balls throughout our existence; hence the choice of the swirl.  Our reaction to those curves is what defines who we are as people and each person, society, and culture reacts differently to the same curve ball.  My interest these days lies in why they react as they do and to find out the truths to common misconceptions held by many.  I am on an "awakening journey" so-to-speak...  I am trying hard to open my mind to those things around me through research, asking questions and learning.  To put myself in the other persons shoes.  I want my kids to be open-minded, tolerant and accepting and the only way I know to teach them this, is to model it and educate them from an unbiased approach about every aspect rather than just one. To do this I must educate myself as well and make sense of the crazy thought patterns I do seem to have daily.